Bruce C Hafen said that there are three wolves that we will face in life in our marriages. Among these wolves includes excessive individualism. The definition of the word individualism means self-reliant and independent. These qualities are frequently admirable when in moderation. The threat that individualism has to marriage is when it becomes the main focus rather than the spouse.
In the Scriptures and according to God‘s law we are taught to cleave unto to our spouses when we are united in marriage. This includes leaving behind our lives where we solely focused on ourselves. This concept of extreme egocentrism is detrimental to marriage. Strong marriages develop through sacrifice and putting the other person’s needs above your own. It’s looking for opportunities to grow together, not only individually. The idea of being independent and above your spouse is cultivated from The adversary. Taking care of yourself and being self reliant is one thing. When the main focus is always placing your needs above your spouses’ or your family, it inhibits the ability to prosper and grow.
This phenomena of “self help” and “self love” have been taken to unhealthy extremes. It has caused people, largely women, to feel justified and empowered by solely thinking of themselves and their own needs. We constantly hear it when people say “I just needed to put myself first.” Maybe that works and is okay when single, but a marriage will never last long term if those mindsets exist. Loving oneself is absolutely important, especially as we recognize our divine role in our Lord’s plan. However, there is divinity in looking outward and also recognizing as well as valuing others for the child of God that they are. In marriage it is absolutely vital to keep that outward perspective vs. inward.
Marriage is built on a sure foundation of love and sacrifice. When two people work together to progress and draw nearer unto the Lord, that is the plan that was intended for us. The word sacrifice can also be compared to “make sacred”. When a husband or wife sacrifices something for the other, they are making their marriage more sacred. That sealing ordinance for time and all eternity, is a lifetime of service and sacrifice as they strive to make their marriage more sacred.
Defining Normal 