Ice cream and roses, and everything will be okay. Frequently people will try everything they can to avoid actually confronting issues and working through them. Confrontation can be really scary because very few people likes conflict. President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) taught: “I have long felt that the greatest factor in a happy marriage is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. In most cases selfishness is the leading factor that causes argument, separation, divorce, and broken hearts.”
By identifying and talking through little things early, this will help avoid big blow outs or arguments. However, despite our best efforts, these do still occur. It is essential to avoid the blame game. Blame counteracts empathy and severs opportunities for deeper connections. We frequently use roundabout ways to place the blame elsewhere rather than taking responsibility for our own actions. Sister Jean B. Bingham, Relief Society General President, said: “Words have surprising power, both to build up and to tear down. We can all probably remember negative words that brought us low and other words spoken with love that made our spirits soar. Choosing to say only that which is positive about—and to—others lifts and strengthens those around us and helps others follow in the Savior’s way.”
A way that this can be worked through and avoided is through a game called the “floor game”. It is essentially a version of when someone has the talking stick. However, after an individual is finished speaking and passes on the “stick” or item identified, the other individual has to repeat back to them what they said. This helps to establish mutual understanding and encourage reflective listening. By approaching conflicts seeking to understand rather than to be understood, it can help improve the outcome.
It truly is a matter of trial and error because every single person is different, and every relationship is different as well. Something to keep in mind is that you don’t get to decide that you didn’t hurt somebody’s feelings. For conflict resolution, it is essential to communicate the end goal. This gives the conversations purpose. It is important not to minimize the other persons feelings and validate. Don’t be to prideful to apologize and vice versa, accepting an apology. Humility is vital in conflict resolution.
Defining Normal 